Helping our Kids Finding Calm in a Chaotic World

I love to write.
I can usually come up with my idea for a blog and get lost in it.

While it may take awhile to actually finish, it doesn’t feel like it was “hard” to do.

This one on anxious kids is different.

It hits really close to home.
Upon reading…a lot…I get the parent guilt.
I did it all “wrong.”

So, I want to share with you what I have learned, hoping you can glean some insights so that you can do better than I did.

The beginning of this article is all about anxiety, the symptoms, and ways to help your child find ways to lessening the overwhelm happening to them physically and mentally.

The second part of the article comes from: The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness by Jonathan Haidt

He looks at anxiety in our youth as a generational issue that will be ongoing.

He talks about the triggers in our society and ways we can eliminate anxiety in our youth.

I would recommend this to any parent, regardless of the age of your child; it is incredibly eye-opening.

It seems that every generation gets a name.
I found out that I am Gen X.

I never paid much attention to these names, however, did you know that for people who are now between the ages of 20 -30 they were being called the “Now Generation?”
You won’t find it on the internet.
I can’t give you the “research” to back me up.
However, all of a sudden, everything in our society was within instant access.

Children became accustomed to playing games that would interact with them, finding out answers immediately, and no longer needing to wait for much of anything.

They were referred to the “Now Generation” and experts were suggesting to parents to get their children involved in activities that delayed gratification: sewing, music, puzzles, gardening, etc.

The name “Now Generation” ceased to exist because it is believed that from now on…to the end of existence, every generation will be the “Now Generation.”

Why am I talking about this?

We now have an “Anxious Generation.”

It spans over over the late Millennials through Gen Alpha.

No one would ever name a generation this, but also, it, like the “Now Generation” will continue to “mark” our children because of our lifestyle indefinitely through the generations if we do not look at how we are living our lives.

Ugh. That is heavy.

Believe me, I know, I have a child who suffers from social anxiety.

Let’s dive in!

Understanding Anxiety

In 2022 a study was done by the CDC that found that  9.4% of the children in the United States suffer from anxiety.
What exactly is anxiety?

Anxiety is an emotion characterized by feelings of tension, worried thoughts, and that can bring on physical changes like increased blood pressure.

While it is easy to confuse anxiety with fear; they both manifest similarly, they are different.
It is interesting to note that both emotions engage the amygdala, the brain’s fear center. Anxiety disorders often involve overactivity in these pathways, making individuals hypersensitive to perceived threats.

The logical question then is where or why would we experience anxiety?
It is thought to have evolved to help anticipate and prepare for potential future threats, serving as a long-term survival mechanism.
Who would think that anxiety could have stemmed from our need to remember to avoid dinosaurs (I am making light because the topic was getting pretty heavy and very academic)!

How do I recognize anxiety in my child?
Anxiety can manifest differently in each child, making it challenging to identify its presence. 

However, there are several common signs and symptoms that may indicate an anxiety disorder. 

By recognizing these warning signs, you can take proactive steps towards addressing your child’s anxiety and seeking help when needed.

Here are some common symptoms or behaviors:

1. Racing thoughts and feelings of overwhelm

2. Excessive worry and fear 

3. Irritability and mood swings

4. Difficulty concentrating

5. Avoidance behaviors

6. Social withdrawal

7. Low self-esteem

8. Panic attacks

9. Headaches

10. Stomach problems

11. Muscle tension

12. Sleep disturbances are all potential physical manifestations of anxiety.

Understanding the signs and symptoms of anxiety is crucial for early intervention and effective treatment. 

There are some signs that are more subtle:

• Feeling “on edge” or “nervous” without a specific reason
• Experiencing a knot in the stomach or a sense of dread before a situation
• Having trouble relaxing or unwinding after a stressful event
• Feeling overwhelmed by minor tasks or responsibilities

If left unchecked, these symptoms can manifest into:

1. Depression
2. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
3. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
4. Suicidal Thoughts and Behaviors
5. Cardiovascular Disease
6. Gastrointestinal Issues
7. Respiratory Problems
8. Immune System Suppression
9. Skin Conditions

Count yourself a fabulous parent if you notice the signs of anxiety in your child and now are seeking for ways to help them alleviate these awful feelings.

How can I help my child reduce their anxiety?

Developing effective coping mechanisms and strategies is crucial for your child to learn how to  manage anxiety.

• Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT)**
  The first recommendation should be therapy.

Personally, I have tried many types of therapy and CBT is not a favorite for me.

However, if you are going to try therapy for you child, seek out a counselor/clinician/psychologist, etc that specializes in therapy for children.

• Relaxation Techniques ( I talk about these in How Much Sleep Does Your Child Need)
  

   Deep Breathing Exercises

   Visualization

   Progressive Muscle Relaxation

• Exercise and Physical Activity
     Don’t underestimate the power of “running around!”

  Exercise has been shown to reduce symptoms of anxiety by releasing endorphins, which          are natural mood-boosters. 

  Plus, physical activity provides a healthy distraction from anxious thoughts and emotions,    your kiddo just concentrates on fun and play, not what is overwhelming them.

• Mindfulness and Meditation (I have an entire article coming April 15-this is so important!)
  Mindfulness seems to be the new “buzz” word.

However, it is true that if you can teach your child basic meditation and mindfulness techniques, your child will feel better able to navigate their anxiety.

• Grounding Techniques
  Grounding techniques involve focusing on the present moment to distract oneself from anxious thoughts and emotions. 

Examples of grounding techniques include paying attention to sensory experiences, such as the feeling of feet on the ground or the sounds around us, and engaging in activities that promote a sense of calm and connection to the world.

This is another form of mindfulness

• Self-Care Activities
• Reading
• Creative Expression
• Nature Connection (and lots of Vitamin D!)
• Social Connections
• Mindful Eating
• Setting Boundaries
• Prioritizing Sleep Routine
  By incorporating these effective coping mechanisms and strategies into daily life, individuals can develop the tools necessary to manage anxiety and improve their overall well-being. Remember, managing anxiety is a journey, and it’s okay to take things one step at a time. With patience, persistence, and the right support, anyone can learn to cope with anxiety and find peace in a chaotic world.

 Observations from “The Anxious Generation” by Jonathan Haidt

According the the book that led me to this entire article, the phrase “The Anxious Generation” often refers to today’s youth, particularly those in Generation Z and Millennials, who are facing rising levels of anxiety, stress, and mental health challenges. 

He claims that these are the challenges they face:

1. Academic Pressure
2. Social Media and Comparison
3. Economic and Job Uncertainty
4. Global Issues
5. Mental Health Stigma

The problem is many of these are not changing or lessening.

How to Help Them Overcome These Obstacles:

1. Promote Open Conversations About Mental Health
2. Teach Coping Mechanisms and Mindfulness
3. Limit and Regulate Social Media Use
4. Provide Access to Mental Health Resources
5. Encourage Physical Activity
6. Foster Supportive Communities
7. Teach Resilience and Growth Mindset
8. Address Economic Concerns:

1. Teach financial literacy 
2. Advocate for systemic changes in education affordability and job security

 What I found in the book:

Haidt’s claim is that there was a “Great Rewiring of Childhood.”

The Great Rewiring is not just about changes in the technologies that shape children’s days and minds. 

There’s a second plot line here: the well-intentioned and disastrous shift toward overprotecting children and restricting their autonomy in the real world.

His central claim is that there are two disastrous trends:

1. Overprotection in the real world
2. Under protection in the virtual world

I greatly encourage you to read or listen (as I did) this book.

It comes in four parts which is what gave me hope:

1. The nature of childhood and how we messed it up 
2. The harms that result from the new phone-based childhood 
3. What we must do now to reverse the damage in our families, schools, and societies (yes, he gives many ideas to reverse damage and move forward in a healthy, anxiety free way)
4. Change is possible, if we can act together.

Anxiety in children is a growing concern, but by understanding its roots and learning practical strategies, parents can empower their kids to navigate challenges and thrive.I liked Jonathan Haidt’s book, The Anxious Generation that shows, we are now facing a generation grappling with anxiety, and the challenges go beyond the individual.
By making small changes, we can collectively create a less anxious world for our children.

“[You] can’t never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him.”
— Dory, Finding Nemo