How To Create Family Kindness In Just 5 Steps

In today’s world, it’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle and forget to show our loved ones how much we care. But a little kindness can go a long way in strengthening our family bonds. Here are 5 ideas on how to show your family some extra love and kindness.

1. What do we want?
Have a family “sit down” and talk about family kindness.  What does it mean? It may mean something different to you than it does to your 8 year old or to your husband.  Everyone should express what they think a kind family looks like and what they would like to see.

2. How will this work?
You will probably have a lot of emotions that are expressed: connection, support, being heard, etc. How do you translate that into action? See if anyone has any ideas.  Here are some if you get stuck:
• Eliminate sarcasm, it isn’t funny, especially to children, it just hurts.
• Listen to each other and ask about each other’s day.
• Schedule time to have conversations; family dinner together is a great time!
• Support each other with difficulties, help look at obstacles and possible solutions.
• Have a “safe space”. We have a cuddle chair, when emotions or hurts are just too big to talk about and we just want a hug and company.
• Start the day with a “Good Morning” and time, rushing puts everyone off kilter.
• Have a compliment jar. Everyone can put in kind words about members of the family or reasons they appreciate that person.
• Help each other with chores.
• Smile and have patience with each other.
• Follow a kindness calendar together.

3. Routine
You want a family that is kind to each other as a habit, rather than sporadically. One of the best ways to do this is to choose one way to make kindness work in your family and work on it until it is a habit for everyone. Then you can move onto another one you like.  It took our family 3 years to eliminate sarcasm. That was a really tough one.

Eliminating sarcasm added to a family dinner 3 nights a week where everyone listens to each other about how their day went would be a great way to start!
Find something that will make a big impact for everyone in your family, but that you also be successful with.  I love the family kindness calendar because it is easy and has everything laid out for you.

4. Make the time
It is hard to find time in our busy schedules to just stop and enjoy each other. If you ask, almost everyone in the family will say they want to do family “stuff” together. They want to feel like they are a unit. They want to know they have each other’s support and encouragement. Yet in the end, we have our sports, hobbies, music, and school obligations. Much of our conversation ends up being, “Did you?”, “Can you?”, “I need you to…” none of which feels nurturing or supportive.  How do we make time for each other?
• Family dinners (even if only 2-3 times a week)
• Family games (go here to get a list of games we played and loved!)
• Family walks (after dinner go on a bike ride or walk together)
• Read together (even if you are all reading silently)
• Family activity night (plan a monthly or weekly family night, whether you go bowling or have pizza and a movie in, choose something you can all do together regularly)

5. United you stand
Create an identity of who you are as a family. Does that sound odd?  Give your children something to believe in for who you are as a family.  I thought of this when my children came home creating family crests or shields.  You can be, as a family, anything you want.  We created a name: Pete’s Pride (Peterson and a pack of lions). We are loyal, we do not lie, we believe in family and stand together.  This came in handy during the “lying phase”. I remember saying to my youngest, who would lie about the stupidest things, “Alec, that sounds like an untruth, Petersons are a lot of things, but what do we not do?”  And I would reinforce the values of who we are.  If you have siblings who fight, you can refer back to the fact that as one of the definitions of who you are is that you are family and you stand together.  As they get older, they will appreciate having a foundation of what it means to be part of their family unit.

Feeling like you are loved and supported by the most important people in your life, your family is crucial to children and adults alike.  Identifying what that will look like and how it will work can be hard to define.  These 5 steps will help your family create a habit of love and kindness towards each other.

“He’s brave, like a cowboy should be. And kind, and smart.
But the thing that makes Woody special, is he’ll never give up on you… ever.”

Andy, Toy Story 3