5 Tips To Help Your Child Feel Confident This School Year
Reading Time: 9 minutes 5 Tips To Help Your Child Feel confident this School Year
We are closing the doors on summer and opening them to a new school year. How does your child feel about going back to school? If your child is experiencing some anxiety, doubt or worry, they are not alone. As a parent, you want them to be able to be safe, learn, meet friends and have a great time. How your child feels about themself and their school has a lot to do with their success this year.
Here are 5 tips to help your child feel confident about the upcoming year-so it is a success for you both.
1. Talk about any concerns and address them early
What is your child concerned about? Talk with them about what they fear, what they are excited about and what they have uncertainties about. If there is anything you can do to alleviate any of the concerns early on, do. However, always talk with your child about possible solutions before you “do” anything.
Common anxieties:
- A new teacher
- A new classroom (old friends may not be in the same class)
- Meeting new people
- Making new friends
- Who to eat with at lunch
- Increased homework
- Fear of not being “caught up” or in “pull out”
- Teasing
What can you do to help your child with these common concerns and help them become more confident about the upcoming year?
Possible solutions:
- Meet the teacher ahead of time.
- If several teachers, walk the school, get to know the classrooms in advance.
- Familiarize child with the school, hallways, schedules, etc.
- If it is a new school, introduce your child to the nurse, main office personnel and administration, so they know who to depend upon.
- Throw a “Back to School Party” to get to know new friends, reconnect with old ones and figure out the most important question: who will I eat lunch with!
- Discuss with your child a set routine, so that you are both prepared for the upcoming workload.
- If your child is a little behind, listen to their concerns. Is there a way to help? I actually quit having my child “pulled out” and instead enrolled them in Kumon (a tutoring program that also helps develop study habits). It was no longer “free” to get “help” however, my child did not feel singled out because he was no longer “called out” to go see “that” teacher each day.
- Teasing like bullying is very hard to deal with. Some schools are great at handling this, others are not. I had a child who was teased and bullied a lot. It was heart wrenching for both of us. I called in favors with girlfriends and had their children eat with mine at lunch, hang out during “free times” and they all did become friends. I also told him, he was allowed to cry and explode with me, but if he did cry or create a “fireworks” in front of his school mates, they would never stop-kids love a good show. This worked for us.
2. What can your child participate in?
If your child is already involved in sports, music or another type of activity, encourage this. They will meet others with their same interests. What do you do, however, if your child has not passions? This was one of my boys! I was so sad because I could not interest him in anything.
I looked at after school clubs, local sports, events near our home, etc. Nothing seemed to light a spark in him.
He was in eighth grade when he took a welding class. I will never be able to thank this teacher enough! The teacher had so much enthusiasm for what he did and he was so great with the kids-all of the kids, the “A” students who behaved as well as the children who were not sure school was a destination they were headed for, that all of the students felt liked.
They genuinely thought this teacher listened to them as people and liked them as individuals. THEN he taught them welding. My son flourished from there. I never would have considered welding as an “activity, sport or hobby” to get involved with, yet this led to an automotive career.
Once I was able to see what interested him, I could target our activities, we went to car shows, luxury car sales lots, we played games at restaurants where we start the alphabet and have to name a car brand or style and it went on and on. He had something he was passionate about and we had something to get excited over.
He also started meeting people who shared his interests. Other people could talk “cars” and be interested in “mods” or classics or engine size.
3. Be their Number 1 Fan!
If your child is trying new activities or sports, they may experience a “learning curve”. Be a source of support and encouragement for your child.
You can also show your support by showing interest in your child’s life. Be an active listener, cultivate conversations between you about their day, events, friends and how they feel.
When your child knows they can rely on you for support and you take interest in who they are and what they are doing, they will feel more confident.
Ways to show you support your child:
- Notice their efforts and praise them for trying.
- Public “brag” – children love to hear you tell others stories and compliments about them (teens may be different-check in with your child-mine never outgrew a love for this).
- Acknowledge recent events (whether great or distressing) with a special treat for the two of you, like a frozen yogurt, trip to the park, hike, shoot pool, etc.
- Keep track in your head, try to say 5 positive comments to every 1 negative-they still may only hear the negatives.
- Have a sign – what is your nonverbal “you are awesome” or “I am here for you” sign? Have one so they can see it and know without you ever saying a thing.
- Hide or send your child “love notes” or “lunch notes” from you. These can be notes found in their sack lunch that just quickly reaffirm how important they are to you. The advantage of “finding one” at lunch is that if they have been having a troubling day, you are right there for them.
Do you want your child to open up? Do you want to have a conversation with them?
I developed 52 conversation starters just for you!- Feel connection with your child.
- Ask questions that start brainstorming and strategize
- Feel Connection
- Learn new qualities, priorities and values about each other.
- Create an atmosphere of confidence in each other, so they know they can reach out to you.
4. Help them develop healthy habits
No matter the age, children thrive when they have consistency. In my opinion, this can be one of our hardest jobs as parents; sometimes we are just exhausted and following through takes a lot of energy!
Ways you can help your child create consistency and lower stress in their lives:
- Sleep – getting enough sleep is crucial. Are you uncertain what is the “right” amount?
- Preschoolers (3 – 5 years): 10 – 13 hours per 24 hours (including naps)
- School Age (6 – 12 years): 9 – 12 hours per 24 hours
- Teen (13 – 18 years): 8 – 10 hours per 24 hours
- Adult (18 – 60 years) 7+ hours a night
I always wondered how my teen son could sleep from 10:00 PM until noon on a Saturday. I discovered people accumulate a “sleep debt” and while sleeping in and making up for the time lost during the week helps “reset” your clock so you can start again, it is uncertain if you can actually compensate for the sleep loss.
- Morning Routine – Have the same schedule, same routine each and every morning. Know where the homework goes, when to have faces washed and teeth brushed, when to roll out of bed, where clothes are placed, where, when and what to get for breakfast and most importantly, when everyone walks out the door.
- After school Routine – Where will homework be done, create a consistent study space? How will your child get help if they have questions, teach problem solving and how to study? Where will they put any forms to be signed, information you need, etc so you will get it taken care of that night? How does your family schedule “Free Time”, “Screen Time” or activities? If everyone is on the same page, there will be less confusion, battling and wasted energy.
- Evening Routine – Dinner. That one little word encompasses so much. Who will plan the meals, get the groceries, do the meal prep, cook, clean the dishes, put food away, wipe counters, etc.? What is your family’s expectations about dinner? Should everyone expect to be at the table for dinner together Monday, Tuesday and Friday for example? What happens on the other days? What is the routine for showers and baths? Will these be included in morning routine or will it differ for each family member? Be sure to have the expectations written down. Does your family walk at night? Play games together? Do you read to your children? Whatever your routine is, or you would like it to be, put the expectations down. How do you want to prepare for tomorrow? Do you want your children to help make their lunches the night before? Do you want them to choose their clothes for the next day and put them out? Do you have a place for all backpacks and school paraphernalia? Do you have a place where all electronic devices need to be “housed” for the evening?
I realize with activity and sport schedules, many routines are hard to stick with. Have a back up routine. One for “on the road” if siblings are attending each other’s activities and spending time “waiting” how can you set up some of the routines in the car? What will meals and evening routine look like on these days?
I recommend you have a chore chart or something visual like it, for the family to use and see. This shows everyone what is expected during the morning, afternoon and evenings. If this is simple tasks that need to be done, it will not be reliant upon a change in the schedule. Whether you are home all day after school on Monday, or off to hip-hop and football, the dogs still need to be fed.
5. Enter a partnership with your child’s teacher
Our goal is to help our children feel confident this upcoming school year. A key component of this is your child’s teacher, or teachers. There are many ways you can create a positive relationship with your child’s teacher and ensure success for your child.
- “Introduce your child” to their teacher by sending them a brief “this is Dakota.” Include what your child is interested in, any activities or hobbies they have, their academic strengths, if you have learned from other teachers of obstacles your child has or learning preferences (like does your child learn better if they are near the front of the room, in groups, don’t like to be called on in front of everyone, etc). Recognize, your child’s teacher may not be able to use all of your suggestions, but if you can start with the idea that you two are in this together, it will be much easier.
- Do not talk badly or in anger in reference to the teacher in front of your child. Do not minimize the teacher’s expertise or authority; if you do not respect the teacher, why should your child?
- Go to Parent-Teacher night, back to school night and conferences. When your child sees you actively involved in their education and asking questions or getting to know their teachers, they realize you are on a team for their success. (10 Tips for Successful Parent-Teacher Conferences)
- Open communication – for you both, what is the easiest way to get ahold of you? What is the easiest way to get ahold of the teacher?
- Volunteer in the classroom – if you cannot give up time during the day, your child’s teacher may have items that can be graded, cut out or put together at home at night, see if there is anyway you can help.
Heading back to school can cause anxiety, worry and concern for many children. These 5 ways to help your child feel confident about the new school year are designed to offer you simple solutions in a several categories so you can both enjoy the new year.
“Hud saw something in you that you don’t even see in yourself.”
~Steve McQueen, Cars 3